Time Flies when you’re having fun…

That should read: MY time flies when YOU‘re having fun… I’m back to the other side of the country after an ultra-eventful weekend back home. I wrote before I left about how pleased I was about this happening… On my return here, however, I don’t really know if it was really worth it… I hardly found enough time to do anything I wanted. This morning I woke up really really early at home wondering where I was… and for the first time in my life, praying that I didn’t have to go. It’s strange because I’m the kind of person who’d happily hop onto any kind of transport to travel anywhere as long as I got to be on my own… That was a few months ago…

Now, after 12 flights in one month, across the length and the breadth of the subcontinent, and this coming in a year that has seen me travel over 30 times to as many as 6 countries. That should keep any wanderer satisfied, shouldn’t it? Well, among the million things I’m feeling right now, satisfied is not one of the adjectives I would use to describe any one of them. Better words are tired, drawn, burnt-out, irritable, irritating, confused, exhausted… HOMESICK etc. etc…

I hate that I had to add HOMESICK to the list above… at one stage in my life, I would have thought it extremely insulting for anyone to have asked me if I was homesick… I pride myself on my fierce independence and my insatiable wanderlust. I still think of myself as a nomad, traveling always excites me… but today, after a 2 hour 30 minute flight across the country on Business Class, I feel deprived.

It’s not that when I’m back home or close to home, life is always perfect. Well it’s anything but. Still, for some strange reason, sometimes, I
feel good about traveling only for the high that I associate with coming back, something like the after-effects of abstinence…

Maybe it’s got something to do with how work has taken over most parts of my life, maybe it’s got something to do with repetition, monotony, but I still find my work fun… it’s a passion for me, and I think it doesn’t look like that’s going to change very soon…

It almost makes me cry when I think about things I haven’t done in a long time… hosting a party at home with friends in whose company you
tend to forget the artificiality of real life, walk through the clouds watching the raindrops forming around you and falling so gently that you get wet without even feeling it, take my bike out and ride at 125kmph with the wind blowing in my hair and the adrenaline pumping in my veins… watch a movie that makes me laugh… or cry with somebody I want to laugh or cry with… wake up at 12 in the afternoon only to go back to sleep for another hour and not end up feeling guilty about it… the list is endless…

No, I’m not depressed… although I know this post makes it difficult to believe… No I’m not depressed, I know, trust me, I’ve been depressed before and I know how it feels…

I’m determined… to dream about things I love doing, and things I would love to do… I’m even more determined to chase those dreams till they become real.

And I think one of the many things that will help me is to decide to do what I want to do more often than those things that I have to do…

Till then, back to work…

[Disclaimer: This is one of the posts from my first ever blog, that is now defunct. Though amateur, and in some cases silly, I did want to retain an archive of everything I have ever written in the blogosphere. Thank you for your patience]